it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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