so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
