I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
