explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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