Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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