She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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