this beer tastes like vomit already
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
