Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize