Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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