i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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