You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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