Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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