areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
