hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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