so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i will never coherently bang her
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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