I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
