Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
