Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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