exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
