just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
