He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Houston, we have a squirter
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
