I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
