I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
