frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
