Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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