Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
it's like iHOP with fire
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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