Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
