If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I think a kid would responsible me up
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
