Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i will never coherently bang her
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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