im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
