I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
