probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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