i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
