Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
