I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
