dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
