Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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