I could have mohawked her pubes.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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