Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize