If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
