I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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