but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
