She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
