You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
