WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize