I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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