One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
