Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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