pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You made out with two different species that night
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
