That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
