I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
