Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
