You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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