I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
