That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
