why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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