I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
