goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
