yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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