butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Soap is not a condiment
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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