I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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