just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
