I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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