The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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