Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
