He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
