maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We had to coat check the pizza.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
