This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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