I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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