Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
