i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
