there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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