i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
