my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
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