So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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