It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
