i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize