Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
