so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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