I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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