when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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