I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
