I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize