It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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