Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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