I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
