Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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