Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
