You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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