I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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