3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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