sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Mom said you looked used
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
