Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
