You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
