and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I need to stop coming to work sober
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
