I molested 6 butterflies tonight
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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