I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
