you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
