i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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