Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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