My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The air was thick with penises
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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