Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
