So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I supernannyed him into submission
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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