No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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