So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
4 words: hood of his car
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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